10 weeks
by Zerovk
Summary: Zero reflects on his married life . One-shot .


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The first time we experience a change in our life is almost always unforgettable , especially if it involves an adventure of sorts .

So magical are they , our most treasured memories , so extraordinary to the point we end up wondering if they really happened .

I can still remember that night , my last at home before the honeymoon officially started . I remember crying as I bid my family goodbye and doing so most of the car ride until we reached the hotel . Kind of weird , right ? How we never understand how attached we are to them , our families . The idea of living away from them pulls at my heartstrings to this day .

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Looking back at the old times we had a bad mood makes it seem funny . I remember the cold shoulder I gave Kaname before it was time for our flight . We had been waiting in the VIP area and now that it has become a memory , I can admit how troublesome I came off , brooding at a certain topic , not relenting until he confronted me about it . I kept saying nothing was wrong until he finally forced he truth out of me . I hadn't meant to act like a petulant child though , despite how it appeared .

In the end , he'd changed his opinion over that matter and agreed to my terms . But we missed our free breakfast in the airport after wasting so much time talking about it . He'd wanted to cheer me up and buy me something to eat along with a hot drink . ( He knows me so well ) But as soon as he left to do so , Kaname heard the call of our flight .

So .. Yea .. He found out too late that we could have had anything for free .

You never get everything , after all . At least we made up .

Oh !

I forgot to mention it was 27 september that day .

We spent three days in Paris and took the bus to Brussels , stayed there two nights and took another bus to Amsterdam .

It took us quite long to find a cab in paris after we got out of the airport -for a reason many of you can already guess -. Airport cabs are ridiculously expensive ! We walked and walked , got into a line then out of it and back to where we first stood and waited for cabs , haggling with drivers until we finally settled on one ( it was more because of me nagging at Kaname to get in unless he wanted to stay there until sunset )

The driver was an old man who kept pointing towards places and explaining what they were to us . It was a fun ride ! I spent most of it taking tons of pictures and videos of the streets and buildings .

The ride had been a long one though .By the time we arrived at the hotel , it was around 3:00 pm or something . After a short rest , we left to the nearest metro station and asked how to get to the champ elysee , got our tickets and started the journey .

The station near the hotel was called " Nation " . From that we went to Montparnasse and finally the champ elysee . It has been a wonderful experience for me because I have never used the metro before , as odd as it may sound .

In the champ elysee , we walked and walked , taking in everything around us and committing it to memory , from cafes to buildings and various brands , along with a show of luxurious cars parked in a certain street . People were taking pictures with them ! Kaname asked If I wanted to but I got embarrassed and declined . I don't feel comfortable posing for a picture when a lot of people are present .

That aside , I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the LV building in its full glory .

Basically , The walk consisted of a lot of me exclaiming and pointing like a child all the way from one side to the other . On the way back home , we decided to grab dinner at Macdonald's .

… Oh snap .. I still have to talk to about the other countries . Which is why I'm going to skip . Next day in Paris , we went to Val d'europe ! I remember us getting ice cream there in between shopping in the outlet area . We didn't have much time to go through the entire mall though , seeing as how it wasn't our focus .

On the third day , we walked to buy cosmetics from drugstores relatively close to our hotel and then we went to Eiffel tower but we wanted to see it at night too though staying there meant wasting precious time which was why we decided to go back to the Champ elysee to visit Arc de triomphe . I'll have you know we stood in a deadly line that got even worse after we took our tickets and then we had to ascend the stairs which I rather call suffering . Kaname kept urging me to go faster because there were people behind us but I couldn't . I tried but I physically couldn't and stood by the side of the stairs , panting and then laughing when two cute east asian girls joined me , panting just as heavily .

I almost facepalmed when we reached a certain floor that had artifacts in it but wasn't our final destination which meant more stairs , more suffering .

I can't find words to describe how relieved I was to reach the top at long last and have a beautiful view of Paris . After resting and taking pictures , we went to a small gift shop there and buyed nothing despite spending so much time observing the various souvenirs , ( don't ask why ) then started heading back to Eiffel tower and lined up for a much more disastrous line just to get checked / inspected . Turns out we had to stand in yet another line to get the tickets which we didn't attempt to , one glance at the impossible lines being the reason .

On a brighter note , we managed to find a place to sit down and rest our bodies after buying water . There had been a bride there buying something from the kiosk next to the one we sat in front , something I can't forget , for obvious reasons .

The beautiful show of the tower sparkling started a few moments later . I remember how we rushed to our feet and started walking away to be able to see it clearly and capture photos of it . It was goddamn beautiful and anyone who says otherwise doesn't know what the word means .

The last day has been tiring , needless to say . Going to the bus station using the metro with luggage in hands hadn't been the smartest decision , at all . But we managed , after so much walking and walking .. and walking , in the wrong direction at first .

I spent most of the the ride sleeping , if not all of it , which didn't sit well with Kaname . He does have a complain or two about how much I sleep .

Brussels is a whole different story , we got lost in our way to the hotel and saw no available cabs , had to ask people who didn't understand much English how the hell we were supposed to get there . Kaname crossed the street and asked the waitress in a cafe about the way , using the map , thinking it would make it easier for her but she only said it should be way ahead .

We walked and walked all the way back to the station and then asked a group of guys who , thank God , were able to help a little . We walked some more and asked a passerby who did the big help and showed us the way . It was a long long way to the hotel which explains why I was close to crying when we finally reached it .

Personally speaking , I prefer that hotel the most , compared to the other two . It had a decent breakfast , an actual one . If you have been to Paris , you'll know what I mean . Anyhow , back to brussel's hotel , It's called Bedford and is located near the grand place , lucky us ! We didn't know that until we left the hotel to start exploring the area , which made it all the more breathtaking .

But before we walked there we went back to the streets we passed by earlier because a certain seafood restaurant looked so good and tasted just as good , after eating there we confirmed that .It's called Restaurant L'Océan in avenue de stalingrad . You should never pass the chance to eat there if you ever visit brussels . And oh don't forget to get Morrocan tea . We had ours in a cafe I forgot the name of which but it was in the side across that restaurant and it was closer to the hotel . An old man walked by and greeted us while we were having our tea . Funnily enough , Kaname thought he was selling powder but in fact it was nuts , the best I had in my whole life , so warm and tasty . To be honest , I think we ate the most in Brussels . We still have moments when we miss it so much . Two nights were not enough . can't forget the waffle we ate there . Another thing you can't miss if you ever visit brussels .

Amsterdam started with the same whirlwind of getting a little bit lost , especially searching for the bus stop in brussels that was supposed to take us there . As you might have already guessed , we walked and walked until we took a cab or an uber to the hotel .

The tram ride there had been breathtaking ! but we had to ask where the nearest station was so we could get our tickets which wasn't easy . We asked a guy to show us how to use the machine to get a two days ticket and he did . A lady had asked us before but we didn't know how until that guy helped us and left , so Kaname did most of the process for her .

The station we got tickets from is called Lelylaan , but the one we took the tram from is called something else , something complicated .

I remember going to Dam square and then walking on foot to explore , eating the ever so popular fries ( Kaname didn't see the big deal in them however ) .

We ate in a Turkish restaurant called istanbul grill and visited it the following day to eat baklava , secretly just to use the restroom .

We did a lot of shopping , ate fries again , and took lots of pictures . We didn't have time for the cruise , sadly , because we were far from done buying gifts for our families .

But the highlight of Amsterdam was when we accidentally ended up in the red light district . I knew something was wrong when I saw the red neon lights and labels but Kaname didn't think the same until we saw it with our very own eyes

It felt weird looking at those girls in real life .. I mean .. we all know about them and maybe write stories involving them but seeing it in front of you is different .

All in all though , it had been a very enjoyable week , as it should be , if you don't count the times we kind of had a fallout about relatively trivial issues . I dunno if you can even call them that . But all beautiful moments will come to an end eventually . Our honeymoon , like anything else , was no exception .

We got back home late at night on 4 oct .

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After weeks passed by , I waited for something that never came , my period .

But we didn't want to get our hopes up right away so we decided to wait a few more days before buying the digital pregnancy test .

When I finally had the device in my hand , I was anxious , suspense filling the air until Kaname confirmed it , the two lines .

I had been happy and he was for me but he'd preferred delaying that issue because he didn't want anyone else to share my attention .

It wasn't a final test however . I had to make sure through a blood test which also confirmed my pregnancy and officially announced the start of me getting spoiled by Kaname and my family . It was a little bit troublesome hiding my growing stomach from those who still didn't know but eventually more people started knowing .

During the second month , I guess , we had our first appointment with the doctor , the first ultrasound . Kaname told mum I looked like a baby in awe when I saw it . Did I ?

The doctor assured us everything was okay . back then I was almost in week 9 .

After that , I started cutting on lots of stuff and taking vitamins while trying my best to avoid a harsh cold . Realistically , however , I couldn't do that forever .

I got sick around December 6 and the cold awakened my sensitive chest condition . I had troubles breathing and couldn't sleep with each passing day . It finally turned from bad to worse on December 8 . That's when I felt terrible and went to hospital at night to get an oxygen session .

A session turned into three . They were going to inject me but I was scared it would affect the baby so I refused and settled for an inhaler disc , one different from that I used the year before when a much more severe condition hit me .

After a few days I went to a specialised doctor to get treated for good . He'd prescribed the same inhaler I used a year ago along with two other medications that I didn't use because I didn't want to take so much medications even though it was prescribed with the knowledge of my pregnancy .

Thankfully , I got better after a while . And soon , it was time for the next appointment .

December 31 .

We waited for our turn , went to grab a quick meal then headed back to the clinic and finally got inside the office where the doctor greeted us and asked a few questions , like if I had any sort of problem . I didn't.

What followed was the ultrasound . From what he saw , the doctor concluded I was in week 9 and a few days , almost 10 even though it was supposed to be 12 . My smile began vanishing at that , replaced with anxiety .

I watched as the doctor moved the device on my stomach and changed the area seen on the screen so many times but it was already obvious that something was wrong ..

His own face turning serious , he said I had to go make a 4D ultrasound immediately .

As instructed , Kaname took me to the nearest doctor specialised in that .. But we found out he arrives at 5 pm which meant an hour or two waiting with a heavy heart , not knowing what to make of it .

But there was nothing else we could do .. So we waited until he came and examined me .

He'd asked how long we have been married , when I got my last period , and whether or not it was my first pregnancy .

He said it usually happens in the first or two times and that it's normal , wishing us luck the next time . Kaname asked if there was any particular reason but the doctor said there isn't , though usually it might have something to do with the ova or the sperm .

One of the girls helped me wipe the gel and I fixed my clothes before going out . she said we had to wait a bit to get the report . Kaname stood by the front desk while I sat down , looking away and fighting the tears but my vision got blurred Faster than I had anticipated and before anything could happen , I rushed outside , walking in the corridor , away from prying ears and eyes .

I couldn't hold back and cried , knowing that whatever my case was , it was bad .

I heard footsteps approaching and knew it was Kaname before he took me in his embrace and started consoling me , saying it was fine and that it happens to many people .

What ? I had asked , pulling away and looking at his face .

He could do nothing but avert his eyes , saying he had a feeling when the doctor's face turned 360 degrees earlier .

IUFD ..

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Intrauterine fetal demise .

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It took me a second to process it before the tears came back , harsher than ever , accompanied with sobbing and heavy breathing .

I had expected anything but that .

Kaname tried his best to be there for me but he had to get back , to take the report . As soon as he did that and returned , we left the building at night and drove back to our obstetrician . I didn't want to .. I even voiced it but Kaname said I had to .

By then my eyes had long turned puffy , I looked the farthest possible from the term " presentable ".

I have always hated crying in front of people or having them know about it .. But even that I couldn't prevent .

My doctor took a look at me and shook his head , assuring me it's not out of the ordinary and things happen for a reason .

Why ? Kaname had asked the doctor who in turn asked if I had an influenza , a virus or something , because that's mostly what causes a missed abortion . But I hadn't any of those , only the mild cold and breathing issue . The doctor said that it's nothing , it couldn't be the reason .. But now that a few days have passed , I wonder if he just said that out of consideration .

He'd prescribed a medicine for me to hasten the process without having to undergo a surgery but such a medicine isn't easily bought because of what it does .

Kaname couldn't find it anywhere . He drove from a pharmacy to another , and then hospitals until he finally bought it .

The whole ride I spent it crying .

The decorations of a new year filled the streets and shops we passed by .. One of them in particular stood out to me and the flood came back .. A shop called mum and baby .

The whole time Kaname practically begged me to calm down but I couldn't .

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Our families called when it got so late without us showing up .

Ichiru was first to learn about it .

He'd asked about the reason and If I had exerted any effort , getting emotional when Kaname said there isn't any particular reason known for it . Ichiru didn't encourage the idea of me taking the medicine which prompted Kaname to correct him .

" We aren't forcing abortion .. It's already dead .. It has been for two weeks . "

Hearing the many calls progress did nothing to make it feel better . It only made me doubt my decision .

When Kaname finally came back with a water bottle and the pills , I hesitated , asking if maybe it was still alive but just weak , even though I knew it wasn't true ..

Kaname , defeated , handed me the report .

My eyes landed on two things .

Missed abortion with 10 weeks gestation age .

Fetus life : negative .

I still hesitated , prolonging the inevitable .

In my delusional state , I had a sliver of hope .. but it got snatched away from me all too soon .

My baby stopped growing . He'd been dead inside of me for two weeks . I couldn't think of anything else all the way until we got back home , arriving just in time with my brother parking his car and getting out of it with his wife .

She brought me closer for a hug and he did the same , though his much tighter that I ended up crying again until Kaname urged him not to remind me of it . Agreeing , Ichiru walked me to the front door , still keeping me close as we rang the doorbell .

The moment we got inside and father asked us what was wrong , I began sobbing again , burying my face in my brother's chest .

I don't remember the last time I cried this much .

My brother eventually sat me down and was soon replaced by mother or maybe someone else first . I don't recall much details apart from how devastating a day it had been for us all .

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A day passed by , a second following it and a third , yet nothing happened . My body expelled nothing , if you don't count the occasional brown spots .

What I feared going through was going to happen whether I liked it or not .

5 January marks my first appointment with the doctor after the tragedy .

He'd ended up setting a date for the surgery , the following day .

I'm very nervous about it .

I would have waited longer if I didn't run the risk of infection .

Alas , the sooner I get this over with , the better .

I have read about people having the same experience and while some preferred letting it all happen naturally , others chose surgery , saying it gave them a closure and thus , relief .

I hope everything turns out fine in the end .

There must be a merciful explanation behind every ordeal .

It might be God's way of telling me I'm simply not yet ready to be a mother .

It could have been worse .. It could have been worse .

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Please keep me in your prayers .

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 **A/n** :

Disclaimer : vampire knight belongs to me not . Matsuri Hino owns it . I'm very grateful she created such a beautiful manga , thus granting us a precious gift , characters to fuel our passion that is writing .

Thank you all , readers and writers alike .

Interacting with you all is very important to me , words cannot explain .

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Sorry I started the new year with this but .. Let's just say Zero needed to talk about it . He needed a closure .

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Treat this as mpreg or female Zero . It's up to you .

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Best regards

Zerovk

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